...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
