i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
be right there i have to get my cape
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
