This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
