he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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