it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
