A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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