Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
