my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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