i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i think i have two assholes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
