I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
