apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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