wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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