it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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