I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
