how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
