Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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