i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
