If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
don't judge my taste in strippers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
