Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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