You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
