so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im holly from the hills drunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
pop tarts are not kleenex
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
