She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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