it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
