DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
