I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize