He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
