how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
