Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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