You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
