Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
