Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
