She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
