just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
