so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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