like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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