Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
