He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
