I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
