Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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