Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize