corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
