can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
