dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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