i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
