somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize