So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
