I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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