Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
