Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
