It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
