I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
