You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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