It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is classic penis vs brain.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
