you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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