Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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