you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
