i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
