how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
