can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
