Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
