Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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