so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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