You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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