I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
