he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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