woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
