Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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