he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
