So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
