I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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