Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize