I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
