Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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