Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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