I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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