I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
