I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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