Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just cropdusted the office
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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