After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
