dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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