Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
