his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
