i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
