Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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