Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
