he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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